I never know what I’ll be getting when I open up a container of bud from The Green House in Durango. Some weeks it’s tiny, compact nugs of steel, and other weeks it’s thicc ol’ buds that fill up the whole container. It’s always a guessing game in terms of what the strains will look like.
What’s not a guessing game, though, is what the effects will be. I can’t say for sure, but I’m almost certain that we’ve never had a strain that didn’t hit hard from that dispensary. It’s like weed on steroids, but with no rage involved. They just kick my ass in a kind way, if that makes sense.
And, you won’t be surprised to hear that this week’s strain is no different. This week we’re reviewing Jungle Cake from The Green House, and as expected, this indica was a powerhouse.
I knew it would be from the moment I popped open the lid on the container. I’d left the dispensary with a gram worth of Jungle Cake, and when I peeked inside, I noticed something peculiar. There was one singular bud in it. One very fat, very fluffy bud. One bud that weighed a full ass gram.
Oh, and I also noticed the percentage of THC in this batch. The container I snagged tested at an insane 30.68% THC and THCa, which is bananas to me. Remember when we were buying ditch weed from sketchy dudes with like 5% THC in it, max? Yeah, I much prefer this legal route, thanks.
And there was also the stench. This strain stinks like dirt and skunk spray — and the smell emanating from that one singular bud was impressive. You could almost see stink lines hovering above it to illustrate the smell.
Luckily, I don’t mind a batch of stinky weed, so I wasn’t bothered by the smell. I welcomed it. If you’re not into stanky-ass strains, though, well… what’s wrong with you? Buyer beware, I guess.
I’ve actually smoked some Jungle Cake in the recent past, but while I couldn’t remember what the buds looked like, I did remember how awesome it made me feel. And that was, in a word, great. This strain made me feel like the dopest person alive, with the brain of a genius and the personality of … someone who’s not an introvert. Needless to say, I was excited to smoke it.
It only took a couple of hits to confirm what I’d remembered about this strain, too. It does indeed make me the happiest person on Earth. It also makes me choke like a big ol’ baby. That part I did not remember.
But I guess choking on some weed is a small price to pay, right? After all, my lips did curl up into the creepiest perma-smile after one or two hits. I felt the burdens of life and work and just existing in the worst year on record slide off my shoulders and into a puddle beneath me. The best way to describe it is that my body kinda went “fuck it,” and that was it. Relaxation.
That’s the thing about Jungle Cake that I like. It hits hard, fast, and so pleasantly that you don’t even know (or care!) what’s up or down. All you know is you’re happy to exist, and that’s a good thing — especially right now, as the whole world burns as part of 2020’s master plan.
And, I stayed in a good mood until I passed out in a deep fit of slumber. No dreams, no annoying insomnia — just rest. Couldn’t we all use some freaking rest right now?
We could. This year has sucked, and Jungle Cake is a great antidote to that mess we’ve been dealing with. Just don’t be surprised when your entire house reeks from one fat nug of this stuff. Oh, and don’t be shocked when you can’t wipe the smile off your face, either. If you’re cool with both of those things, this strain is medicine for your damn soul. Get some.