If you’re a regular reader of these reviews, you will not be surprised to learn that Sunburn, the sativa strain we’re reviewing from Pagosa Therapeutics this week, followed the trend of ALL of this dispensary’s strains, and it borderline killed me. In a good way, mind you, but still. Death was near.
Because I am a bad friend, and I KNEW I would probably end up so stoned that I was a human puddle, I had a friend smoke Sunburn with me the night before this review was due. (Procrastination is kinda my thing.) I decided to bring said friend into the mix because I wanted to weigh my level of stoned against hers after we smoked, mostly for vindication purposes. And vindicated I was.
I made sure to warn her beforehand that every. single. one. of Pagosa Therapeutics’ strains have kicked me onto the surface of Mars. It was quickly apparent, though, that she thought I was exaggerating, and while I stopped smoking about halfway into the shared bowl, she kept going. And going. And going.
I only ingested about half of what she did, and immediately felt stoned off my proverbial and literal ass. My face was moving in waves, my brain felt like a marshmallow, and I was highly, highly amused with our nonsense conversation. She seemed a’ight at first, too.
We then grabbed like 3 million snacks and settled into the couch for the ride. I was awake, high as actual hell, and digging my face moving in waves.
There I was, shoveling fruit gummies in my mouth and minding my own business, when a hysterical bout of laughter from the newly minted hyena next to me broke the spell. I looked over at my pal, who was bent over laughing while staring at her hands. Here’s what happened, according to my notes:
“(My friend) has been laughing to herself for like, 20 minutes, and I asked her what was so funny, and she just laughed hysterically.”
Me: “HAHAHAHAHA holy shit, what are you laughing at.”
Her: “HAHAHAHAHA! I don’t know! HAHAHAHAHA.”
The answer was so ridiculous that it set me off, and we both sat there laughing like idiots for a minute. I still have no idea why she was looking at her hands while laughing, and she apparently has no recollection of it today. Life’s mysteries.
I then went back to feelin’ my high, just livin’ inside my own wobbly, cream-puffed brain. That lasted all of 60 seconds before the spell was once again broken, this time by someone mashing their hand against the microwave buttons. All of them. All at once.
I looked over into the kitchen, and there stood my friend, who’d apparently managed to find her way into the pantry, where she found some Easy Mac. Unfortunately, she could not figure out how to work the microwave to cook said Easy Mac, and had been standing there muttering and laughing to herself while pressing and clearing the buttons for either the timer or the clock, but not the cook buttons to start the damn thing. I’m a jerk, so I just let it continue, laughing and taking notes all the while. She never did figure out how to use the microwave, and I’m pretty sure a sad bowl of open Easy Mac is still on my counter as we speak.
So, if you want to be so stoned you can’t figure out how to cook a microwave meal meant for children, you should grab yourself some Sunburn. You’ll be awake, stoned, and potentially starving, but you’ll love every minute of it. We did, anyway.