If you’re a seasoned marijuana user, it can be a challenge to hit that sweet spot — you know, that solid melt-into-your-couch kind of high — without consuming, say, 98,438,573,845 mg of weed.
Recently, I had a few house guests over that also have that exact problem. They’re daily users of the green and at this point in their lives have built up a pretty solid tolerance.
In between hiking, shopping, and derping around, we decided to hit up a few dispensaries to prep for that evening’s festivities. While at one dispensary, one of my companions decided to pick up a pack of Dutch Girl Caramel Waffles. This was particularly exciting to me as I have been eyeballing those beautiful golden packages for at least a year now, but haven’t yet purchased them (mostly out of my sheer terror and complicated feelings toward edibles.)
If you haven’t had the pleasure of running into these delectables, you’re in for a real treat. You’re welcome.
Dutch Girl is under the umbrella of CannaPunch, a cannabis company based in Colorado. CannaPunch started out selling cannabis-infused-drinks but has since expanded into offering vaping and other edible products. The Caramel Waffles are basically two thin waffle-cone crackers encasing a layer of gooey caramel filling. Basically, they’re effing delicious. We probably went on talking for at least 10-15 minutes about how great they tasted. They’re so sweet, plus you really can’t smell the weed until the waffles are basically right under your nose, which is fine by me. I personally don’t like my edibles smelling or tasting like weed, and my companions were in agreement.
Each of these morsels is set at 10 mg apiece, and a Dutch Girl package comes with 10 waffles. I know it’s hard, but try not to eat all of them at once. They’re SUPER potent and you might die lying half-upright on your couch with partially chewed Cheetos still in your mouth. Not that I would know.
Normally, when you consume edibles your goal is to be unproductive, right? Well, in our case, we decided that it would be a great time to start putting together IKEA furniture, specifically a couch. That’s right, ladies and gents, we make good decisions.
About an hour after eating the waffles one of my friends began wandering aimlessly around my apartment, looking like she couldn’t remember her own name, much less read vague illustrated directions about which cushion went where. As she is basically a daily weed user, we were surprised at how much she was affected by the Dutch Girl Caramel Waffles. I was impressed. Clearly, Dutch Girl knows what they’re doing.
Shockingly, within three hours we had put together the IKEA couch, though I wouldn’t say it went smoothly by any stretch of the word. Because our brains were basically tipped upside down and swirled like protein shakes, we got tripped up several times and argued about what the directions were actually conveying. Honestly, the process should have taken no more than an hour. Alas, weed.
It didn’t help that we were simultaneously watching “Train to Busan,” a 2016 Korean film. During the movie, you follow the story of a man and his young daughter as they run away from zombies on, you guessed it, a train. It’s really a fantastic film with plenty of terrifying moments and lots of blood and guts. But when you’re so stoned you can’t tell the difference between yourself and other people in the room, the only thing you can convey to your equally mind-mushed friends is, “guys…this movie is SOgood,” over, and over again while everyone nods silently in agreement. Not to mention we were suddenly starving and shoveling donuts and pancake bread into our gullets (thanks a lot, Trader Joe’s — pretty sure I ate that whole tray mostly by myself).
In any case, if you’re looking for something to munch that’ll get you so high you’ll forget what your own mother looks like, I have a feeling you’ll enjoy Dutch Girl Caramel Waffles. Just make sure there’s pancake bread nearby.
Sir Blaze Ridcully