How to do Zombie March and not get arrested

by Raychel Johnson

What do handcuffs, partial nudity and the undead have in common? Typically nothing unless you’re into some weird fetish. But in Durango on Halloween night, all those things are commonplace.

The annual phenomenon known as Zombie March, which takes over Durango’s Main Avenue at the witching hour of Halloween Night, is disorganized chaos to say the least. Yet, year after year, zombies, witches, pirates and even mere mortals wearing next to nothing gather illegally on the street to claim it as their own.

Chants and rallying cries of, “Whose streets? Our streets!” ring through the frosty technically-November air.

Last year’s unsanctioned event, albeit calmer than years previous, resulted in several arrests and some stolen street signs. This year, the unscheduled-yet-scheduled madness will ensue at 11:59 p.m. Saturday.

So how does one revel in all the debauchery that is Zombie March, enjoy the evening and not get arrested? Here are some tips from an anonymous zombie:

Don’t steal shit

This usually could go without saying, but in previous years, zombies marching down Main Avenue have knocked over street signs and taken them home. Local record store Southwest Sound was also broken into and burglarized. So don’t steal anything except for maybe a kiss from a fellow zombie, with his or her consent of course.

Run really, really fast

Running really fast away from the police isn’t exactly a good idea, but hey, if you’re dressed as a zombie and can get away, anything is possible. “The craziest year was when they brought in the National Guard,” anonymous said. “It’s been relatively calmer the last few years.”

Don’t tip over garbage cans

Or newspaper stands, or cars for that matter. A few years ago, a car was driving down Main Avenue unsuspecting and was swarmed by the drunken mob. Zombies jumped on the car and tried to push it over. According to Anonymous, pepper spray was flying everywhere and people landed in jail. “The whole thing only lasts for maybe half an hour, depending what end of Main (Ave.) you start on,” said the anonymous tipster. “There is always a sense of being riled up, and it’s pure ridiculousness and gets out of control.”

Aside from these pro tips, the entire night is a fend-for-yourself situation. Play nice, eat brains and prepare yourself for the next day’s paralyzing hangover.


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