Strain review: Wonder Monkey

by DGO Pufnstuf

I have a soft spot for gingers. Yes, I know they have no soul, but I still kinda like them. Perhaps that’s part of why I really liked Wonder Monkey, the strain we’re reviewing this week.

This bud is a hybrid that leans on the sativa side, and it’s a chunky monkey, with lighter green buds that are thick in the thighs and layered with bright orange, ginger-lovin’ hairs. It smells good, like sweet pine needles and grass, which is odd because it’s a cross between Grease Monkey x Icarus, the former of which is known to be pretty stinkin’ skunky.

It’s also interesting that this strain is more of a sativa than an indica; Grease Monkey is an indica hybrid, and it’s one of those strains that straight puts you to sleep. Wonder Monkey should have taken on SOME of those traits, but unless that’s where the rampant case of the munchies came from, it didn’t.

But I digress. Let me start from the beginning. I lit up this strain at about 6 p.m. one evening, and despite it being clearly labeled a sativa, I figured, given its genetics, that it would knock me out. That did not happen. In fact, I was wide awake for way longer than I anticipated, and I didn’t even smoke that much. This stuff is apparently pretty potent.

I got pretty stoned pretty quickly – probably just a few hits in – and had dry mouth like a son of a bitch. I don’t really mind cottonmouth, mostly because I am that person who refuses to drink water (or anything but caffeine) most of the day, so I figure if I’m chugging glasses of water while stoned, it makes up for my bad habits. If you’re one of those people who cannot stand cottonmouth, take this as fair warning. Smoke Wonder Monkey and your mouth will be the friggin’ Sahara Desert.

But, you know, nothing good comes easy, and in return for the cottonmouth will be a really great, mellow head and body high about an hour after you smoke. The first hour, though? You’ll likely be in the clouds. That time frame looked like this, per these observations, taken directly from my notes:

1.) “Whoa. I just looked up and felt like I was down an Internet rabbit hole for an eternity.”

I love Internet-ing while slightly stoned, but this was one of those highs where you kinda lose track of time, and when you snap back into it, you feel like you were gone for hours.

2.) “Why do my arms always get so hyper-sensitive when I’m stoned and then end up feeling like they’re made of cement?”

Can anyone tell me the answer to this? For real? My appendages do not like to cooperate with my penchant for smoking weed.

3.) “I get so wonksy(wonky)-eyed and am then convinced my contacts are clouding up.”

True story. I can use ALL the lubricating eye drops and nothing helps. It’s just my eyes.

And then, finally:

4.) Eased into an easy high.

So, if you have a penchant for red heads, – i.e. bud with bright orange tones – or you just like to be up in the clouds and then gently swoop back down to reality, you’ll like Wonder Monkey. Unlike South Park would have you believe, this ginger definitely has a soul.

DGO Pufnstuf


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