How to have naked sex outside when it’s freakin’ cold

by Erin Brandt

In an attempt to celebrate winter, as it is winter for the majority of my readers, I’m going to reprise one of my popular columns – a handy guide to sex in the great outdoors. Instead of naked frolicking in summer fields of wildflowers, I’ll be focusing on how to navigate sex when it’s cold outside. It is important to note that cold weather is not the same everywhere. A gentle reminder to folks that temperatures below freezing can harm your body (hypothermia and frostbite) so pay attention to the temperature. Losing a body part to frostbite might seem like the start of a kick ass story (not really) until that body part is connected to your genitals. Don’t be dumb; be smart and sexy!

Embracing cold weather means learning how to navigate through it comfortably – lots of warm layers, appropriate footwear, emergency supplies in your vehicle, and an appreciation for Mother Nature’s desire to wallop us with surprises. I know none of this sounds particularly sexy. Winter is often about survival while being surrounded by death or at least the hibernation of life. So how do we turn all those layers and that survival energy into a sexual romp in the snow?! With an open mind, some preparation, and a sense of sexy fun.

Be a (boy) scoutWinter weather is serious business and the following is something you should be doing regardless of whether or not there will be sexy romping. Be prepared. Make sure you have warm blankets, a first aid kit, water, snacks, boots, a shovel, warm layers, toilet paper, flashlight, a good knife, rescue tool (it cuts through seatbelts and can break a car window), ice scraper, and emergency cash. For most of us, we would store these items in our vehicle and rotate food and water out every 6 months and update the first aid kit and batteries as needed.

If you are venturing outdoors in the winter, for example skiing at a resort or in the backcountry, you would be bringing smaller versions of some of those items in a backpack. A ski resort may not feel like you need to pack a serious safety kit but many resorts don’t have cell service and if you end up off trail and lost, you’ll be happy to have a way to take care of yourself. Also, best practice is to tell someone where you will be and for how long, then they’ll be able to call for help on your behalf.

The additional items you’ll need if your outdoor adventure is going to include sex are condoms and/or dental dams, a warm blanket or sleeping bag, a thermos with a warm drink, lube, body wipes for clean up, and that sense of sexy fun I mentioned earlier. You can stash the lube and body wipes in your car and they should be fine over time. Condoms and dental dams don’t do well in cold temperatures so don’t pack them until you know you will use them.

Reminder: Condoms and dentals dams help with clean up. They also protect from STIs. Yay!

Think outside the hot tubHot tub sex is fine. Even if it does tend to give vagina owners yeast infections because the treated water messes with the vagina’s pH. Some tips for hot tub sex, if you are determined to have it:

1. A silicone based lube is your friend because it doesn’t wash away as quickly.

2. If you are planning on penetrative sex, insert outside the water and then get in.

3. This is an opportunity for non-pump and thrust sex because pump and thrust will force water into the rectum or vagina.

4. Or try out some mutual masturbation or a good make out session, instead.

If you want to skip the hot tub, try some outdoor activities. Go snowshoeing and find a sturdy tree to have sex standing up! Do the same while skiing but unclip from your skis first. Yes, there is a story here: Once upon a time, a couple pulled over in the trees at a ski resort and proceeded to get their groove on. Unfortunately, they didn’t think it through and remained clipped into their skis. Their naked selves began sliding down the hill, out of the trees, in full view of strangers, and ended up crashing into another set of trees. Moral of the story: Don’t have sex with your skis on.

Other winter activities worth exploring for potential sexy fun:Polar bear plunge – some are done in the nude and can really get the blood pumping.

Visit a natural hot springs – Colorado is lousy with hot springs and sometimes you can book a private tub or visit one of the bathing suit optional springs.

Have a snowball fight, go sledding, make snow angels – letting go of your adult brain for a bit and just have fun.

Stay indoors – light a fire, and have a picnic with all of your favorite foods.

Use all the layers you have on to do a tortuous strip tease – do it indoors after a day of adventuring or just coming home from work in a storm.

A make out session while ice skating might tick all the boxes – and it’s also ideal when it is way too cold to expose your genitals!

Don’t forget . . .. . .if you are naked outdoors the law will frown on that and you may face serious consequences – up to and including fines, jail time, and a sexual offender label.

Be informed about your state, county, and city laws. Take a moment to think about these consequences and then make a decision about finding a private space where being naked isn’t going to break the law. Finally, make sure that your lovers are consenting to the outdoor sex-capade and have all this information too.

Too cold?I am a big fan of vacations during the winter months. After the holiday rush in December, I look at booking a getaway to warmer climes anytime from January through March. Forget layers! Get into your bathing suit (or not) and dip into some bath-water-warm ocean water!

If you’ve been enjoying my columns, I encourage you to join me at a workshop. I spend more time on these important and fun topics and you will walk away with actionable steps you can take for your sex life.

Next Thursday, February 6th, I’ll be facilitating a workshop on self-pleasure – better known as masturbation! In the workshop we’ll be focusing on why you should have a masturbation practice. Every workshop includes opportunities to ask questions anonymously on any topic. We set group guidelines before we start and I work to maintain a safe and supportive learning space. Visit my website for the link to purchase tickets and learn more about this and future workshops for adults!

Erin Brandt (she/her/hers) has been a sexologist for 15 years. When she’s not spreading sexual knowledge, Erin can be found learning from her child, hiking with her partner, cuddling with her pitbull, knitting with her cat, dancing with friends, and searching for the nearest hammock and ocean breeze. Want more? Visit www.positivesexed.com.

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