Strain review: Aloha Limon

by Sir Blaze Ridcully

Friends, I cannot tell a lie: I am lazy af on the weekend. My Fridays start with fantasies of productivity and personal projects I’ve long put off. But, by the time the sun comes up Saturday morning, I’ve long decided my weekend will solely consist of sprawling out on my couch, remote in hand.

Impressive, I know.

This weekend was a different story, though. I spent my Saturday on a cleaning spree. Not a speck of dust remains on my furniture, my bathroom has never been so clean, and there are no longer piles of laundry littering my floor.

I am a changed person. Well, for all of last weekend, anyway.

I’m attributing this unusually productive behavior to Aloha Limon, the strain we picked up from Chronic Therapy in Cortez this week.

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of this latest strain, shall we? Aloha Limon, or Aloha Limone as Leafly refers to it, is a hybrid cross between Hawaiian Sunrise and Nina Limone, with 22.38 percent THC. If you’re lucky enough to snag this strain off the shelf, be sure to give it a hearty sniff, cuz it smells del-ish-us. Aloha Limon is a grand orchestral wake up call to the senses with musical floral tones – it’s a rich blend of earthy and citrusy smells.

When I first sat down to smoke this out of my dry herb vape, I was expecting my usual couch-lock reaction. I was mentally prepared for an afternoon of being a useless stoner and watching a series of outdated true crime shows. Basically, my dream weekend.

Alas, it was not to be.

As a literal cloud of smoke enveloped my head (and brain), I began to feel this energy – a sense of euphoria, if you will. My skin felt tingly, and my noggin was pleasantly buzzing with a head high – alert and (shockingly) able to follow what was going on in the room, although there wasn’t much happening.

I side-eyed my couch companion, whose eyes were glazed over and locked onto the television screen from whatever she’d been smoking. She wouldn’t miss me if I wandered away to neutralize every bit of dust and dirt in my room, would she?

Apparently not, as the next time I passed her on the couch, her face was smashed into a pillow, dead asleep.

Is there a thick layer of dust covering every surface of your home? Have you been putting off reorganizing your room? Or, how about unpacking those boxes you’ve shoved to the back of your closet? Have you been shoving clothes under your bed? How long have those water glasses been sitting on your nightstand?

I’m going to go ahead and assume that’s a “yes, that’s my home” on all counts.

If you’re struggling in that motivation department, I invite you – no, IMPLORE you – to get your hands on Aloha Limon. Smoke some of this earthy nectar and vacuuming your floors won’t feel like a hard-knock life. No, sir. Boring old chores turn into the dance of decluttering your soul, aka your home. You probably won’t even recognize yourself in that bathroom mirror you’re scrubbing.

So, now that it’s spring cleaning season, it’s best to get over the moaning and groaning of all the to-do lists you have stuck to the fridge and get on over to Chronic Therapy for a spark of motivation.

Sir Blaze Ridcully


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