Strain review: Aloha Limone from The Green House Durango

by DGO Pufnstuf

There was a point in time when 22.2% THC would have seemed insane to me. That time was probably high school, when weed had like 5% THC in it and it came from some shady source out behind the gym (and by that I mean my friend Baldo, who also once hit the snack machine on campus so hard that he shattered the glass). These days, though, 22.2% THC seems average to me, or maybe even a bit low.

Not that I’m knocking it, mind you. I welcome any and all THC, especially in flower form — and I don’t mind the lower THC bud. It makes for a great, low-key high. I don’t have to worry about being so high I can’t function, which is not the case with some of the other higher THC products.

For that reason alone, I was excited to see that we were reviewing Aloha Limone this week from The Green House in Durango. The batch I got my hands on contains, you guessed it, just 22.2% THC, so I figured it would be an easy, mellow buzz.

Yeah, not so much. Turns out 22% is still enough to get me high as a fricking kite. But not high in the way you might expect. Here’s what happened.

So, let me start off by saying that I’m pretty freaking lazy these days. There’s nothing to do, nowhere to go and my house is starting to resemble the Durango version of a drug den because I can’t find the energy to clean it. To illustrate: there are cracker crumbs all over the carpet right now thanks to my gross, massive dog, who can reach the countertops when I’m on important work calls, and my laundry is starting to pile up to the roof of the laundry room because I don’t effing care. Call it the COVID strike or the COVID blues or just general apathy. It’s whatever, really.

It’s gotten so bad that there are days I don’t want to go pick up weed. Like, I, your friendly neighborhood pot smoker who does this for a living, did not want to get off my ass and go pick up anything. It’s like all the life has been zapped out of me or something.

And nothing was out of the new ordinary the day I smoked this strain, either. I was planning a productive weekend of laying around on the couch and binge-watching documentaries I’ve already seen. Everything sucks. I decided to kick that plan off by smoking a bowl of the Aloha Limone for this review, though — mostly out of some half-assed attempt at feeling productive while laying around. It’s for work, you know?

I got right to that, too. I tossed a few of the fluffy Aloha Limone buds in the grinder, but not before taking a few seconds to marvel at how fluffy they were and how good they smelled. If you’re lucky enough to snag this strain off the shelf, be sure to inhale deeply. It smells like a citrusy bouquet of flowers.

Once I’d gotten my fill of those well-cured fluffballs, I tossed a couple in and ground them up. That went into the vape and I fired it up, expecting it to knock the misery out of me for a bit.

And, to be fair, it did — but it also took that 22.2% THC and injected me with freaking LIFE, man. I was not only happier after one bowl, I was also a changed person — one who wanted to wash and fold my stupid laundry. I also wanted to do all the damn dishes, which is only one step above the laundry. I hate laundry.

But I did it. I did it while stoned, you guys. I did it with 22.2% THC. I also cleaned out the fridge, wiped down the damn baseboards, washed the windows, cleaned the mirrors, and SCRUBBED THE MF’ING TOILETS, TOO. Bam. I was a cleaning banshee.

And I did it all while happy as a clam. Seriously. It was like this cuddly blanket of euphoria hit all my bitchy nerves and turned them upside down. Like a Christmas miracle or something. I don’t know. It was great.

It was also super productive until the feeling wore off, which luckily wasn’t for a while after I’d smoked. And once I was back to my normal, morose Eeyore level of temperament, my house was freaking clean, which kept me in a great mood, too.

There’s really nothing quite like a clean house or a buzzy head high, and I had both. I had it all.

I don’t still have it all, cause I’m currently sober, morose, and the laundry is starting to pile up again, but I had it. Even for a brief instant, it was glorious.

I don’t know what it was about this strain that gave me a jolt of motivation, but I’m not looking this weed horse in the mouth. Nope. I’m just going to be grateful for it instead.

I’m also going to smoke another bowl or six after work today, too. I need to tackle that laundry before it gets in my way on my trek from the couch to the bed, and the only way I’ll do that is with this strain.

If you’re also struggling with the COVID foul-mood flu, you really should grab some of this stuff. Aloha Limone will knock you right out of it — at least temporarily — and at least long enough to tackle the stuff you don’t want to do. It’s a great tool in the weapon against apathy, one I will be using for a long time to come.

Can’t wait to WANT to vacuum up these crackers. It’s going to rule.

DGO Pufnstuf


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