Strain review: Granola Funk

by DGO Pufnstuf

It was probably not the best idea to smoke Granola Funk, one of the strains from Prohibition’s new premium line, at 10:30 p.m. on a Thursday night. But, for the sake of making deadline, I did it. I did it just for you guys. And now I am tired as f@!k and wanting to die. I blame you.

So, we’re on a perpetually short deadline for the holidays right now, which means I have to get stuff done way earlier than my procrastinating ass would like. I, of course, procrastinated even picking up the cool ass glass jar of Granola Funk from Prohibition, which had been ready for a couple of days (in their defense). Doing so left me with no choice but to smoke it the same night I picked it up. And, lucky for me, I had something ELSE for work I had to do Thursday night, which meant I couldn’t smoke it til I got home. And, at that point, it was way past my bedtime.

Anyway, now that you know WHY I smoked this strain in the wee hours of the evening, I’ll tell you why it was a bad idea. Granola Funk is a sativa hybrid strain created by crossing Girl Scout Cookies and Wookie, and I’m a big fan of GSC – isn’t e’rybody? And, I love sativas because I like the clear-headed jolt of energy they give. But again, this was a night where I probably could have used some sleep, and that clear-headed jolt of energy was NOT THE ONE for that. I am currently writing this on like, four hours of sleep.

Here’s how it started. I grabbed a few of the huge nugs out of the jar – we’re talking massive green and purple hunks of flower, you guys – and then haphazardly threw some hand-shredded flower into the dry herb vape. I didn’t think to look at the strain type before I did it because, well, it didn’t freaking matter anyway. I was on deadline. I took several deep drags – no choking with this one; it’s all minty and cool, although it stinks to high hell in the jar – and then took a few more. Passed it to a friend, she passed it back. Same old.

I could tell I was high pretty quickly, although I didn’t have the munchies or much of a head high. Not surprisingly given its weed lineage, it instead cleared my brain of the cobwebs one collects on the way to 10:30 p.m. and then rendered me fully, totally awake. It was, at that point, around 11 p.m., and there I was, sitting on the couch, awake and high.

I suppose there could be way worse things than sitting on the couch while stoned on some really killer weed, but this weed was a slight creeper and the effects became more evident as the time passed. My brain grew full of ideas, all which were whirring around like pinwheels at once, and I was wide the hell awake. That continued for hours. HOURS, you guys.

I sat there wondering about things like what qualities it takes to be a good cult leader, cause it sure does seem like a tough task to get hundreds of people to buy what you’re selling – especially if it’s crazy – and reminiscing on how much I love the dark gray skies before it rains. My mind hopped from subject to subject, but refused to hop on over to sleep mode.

I don’t know what time I finally crashed out, to be honest, but I know it wasn’t early, or it doesn’t FEEL early today, based on the aching in my bones from being old and tired. I do know I woke up at 6 a.m. with my mind in full active mode, though, probably due to the residual creativity left over from last night’s brush with Granola Funk.

Do I like this strain? For sure. It wasn’t the strain’s fault I smoked it at a time when I should have had my old ass in bed, and it was great while I was stoned. Given the right circumstances and the right (non-impending) story deadlines, it would be a powerhouse strain for getting the old creative juices flowing. Do I like it the morning after smoking it at 10:30 p.m.? No, I do not. My body is decades too old to handle that.

DGO Pufnstuf


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