I am still stoned this morning. I am sitting at my desk while laughing at nothing and shoving gummy bears and my mouth. In other words, I am a damn disaster and it’s of the most epic, and fun, proportions.
I have Jabba OG to thank for this, by the way. Jabba OG is the strain we’re reviewing this week from Pagosa Therapeutics, and as with literally every. single. one. of their strains, I was knocked on my ass by it. And now I’m stoned at work.
Not that it’s such a bad thing. It is Monday, after all, and gummy bears for breakfast is never NOT a win. (Don’t worry. I also have an apple to counteract all the processed corn syrup. I’ll eat it when my hands are properly functioning again.) I’m just surprised that I’m still a little giggly this morning, considering that I smoked this beast at like 9 p.m. last night. The force, and the THC, are strong with this one.
If you’re unfamiliar with Jabba OG, lemme break shit down for you. This strain is an indica created by crossing Skywalker X Wing with OG Kush, and that combo is no freaking joke. It harnessed the power of the Dark Side. And the other side. And whatever power runs the Death Star. In other words, this stuff would knock Jabba himself on his ass. <Insert nonsense Jabba-talk here.>
Anyway, so I smoked this strain last night at a relatively early hour, and I was immediately stoned. I was impressed with the taste – it had a very light, almost nondescript taste to the bud, although the smell of the actual strain is a bit cheesy and piney – but I didn’t have much of a body high at first. It was mostly in my head, and it rendered my mouth immobile, but the effects were still very, very much those one expects of an indica, even if my body wasn’t frozen like I’d been encased in carbonite.
But even if my limbs were functional, the rest of me wasn’t. If you want to be one with the couch, this Jabba strain is your mfin’ jam. I could move my body, but I didn’t want to. I just wanted to curl up into a warm ball and stare at the screen, mesmerized by whatever was scrolling across the television. I felt as centered (into your couch cushion) as Yoda, and I swear to Darth, I even started to speak like the little green dude.
For real, though. I smoked out a friend with this stuff and we were both speaking in half-sentences, the words rearranged in an order that words should NEVER be arranged in, and yet we somehow both understood each other. It was great. I love stoned language.
And, oddly enough, while we were both pretty couch-locked by sheer relaxation and (probably) a bit of laziness, neither of us passed out right away. We both just sat there chatting and bitching about the new “Sabrina” remake on Netflix – it’s called “Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” – instead. (Side note: Have you guys seen it? The acting is SO BAD. So much for this awesome devil-worshiping take on the old comic book. Even Harvey sucks.)
It took about two hours for one of us to succumb to the effects of the Jabba chill (spoiler alert: it was me), and then we both woke up way too late for work, still stoned, and starving like we’d spent a week on a cleanse.
In other words, this was a good ass strain, and we both loved it. I plan to ride this one out for as long as I can today – ain’t nothin’ wrong with being happy af on a Monday – and jam out to Blind Melon as I ignore my coworkers. Sounds like a good start to the week, doesn’t it?