Strain review: Pamelina from The Green House Durango

by DGO Pufnstuf

Holy mother of god. That’s all I can say about Pamelina, the strain we’re reviewing for The Green House in Durango this week. I basically have no words.

And I mean that. This strain was wild. Have you ever smoked a strain that made the floor look like lava while you’re tripping out over the idea that people live in regions where Siberian tigers just roam free in the wild? If the answer to that question is no, then you clearly need to get yourself some Pamelina, cause this stuff will do it to you. You will daydream about Siberian tigers. And you will do so while shoveling approximately 83 mini-cookies into your mouth right out of the oven.

I guess I should have braced myself for the ramifications of smoking this strain, considering the container for the strain boasted a freaking MASSIVE 34% THC, but I didn’t. I naively thought I could handle this strain — in part because the little nuggets in the container were so small that it seemed almost, I don’t know, inoffensive? Those tiny little nuggets packed a god-dang PUNCH, though. Here’s what happened.

So, I picked up Pamelina from The Green House recently and really didn’t know much background on the strain other than it contained a crap ton of THC, which was stamped across the label at a whopping 34.92%. That was all I knew.

And when I got home, I popped the lid off and was surprised to find the tiniest, most innocent-looking nugs on the planet. If there was ever a strain masquerading as being appropriate for novice smokers, it’s Pamelina. I’m not kidding, you guys. If you’d told me these nugs were some sort of dried oregano or something, I probably would have believed you. The only thing that differentiated them from, say, a very fat herb was the stench. As small as the nugs for this strain are, though, they still stink to high hell like weed.

That said, I still didn’t equate the high THC content and the stinky nugs with being an ass-kicker of a strain. Not ‘til I smoked it, anyway.

Speaking of smoking, I threw those tiny nugs into a dry herb vape in the middle of the day because I was under the assumption that I would be able to function after smoking them. I guess I was maybe three or four hits in before it became apparent that functioning would not happen with this strain.

Just those few hits and my face started to feel wobbly, like it was made of water and not skin. To be clear, I don’t mind that feeling, but I also know that it’s usually a precursor to me being a couch-locked mess. And, sure enough, once the face-wobbling happened, my limbs started to feel like heavy sandbags instead of flesh. A short while later, I was super freaking high.

Like, so high, in fact, that my housemate walked through the living room and immediately started cackling about how high I clearly was. I guess the sandbag limbs and wobbly face were visible to someone other than me. I couldn’t help but laugh when it happened, because this is apparently not only couch-lock weed, but also giggle-weed, and I caught them from just that innocuous interaction alone.

And, a short time after, it wasn’t just my face that was wobbling. The floor was wobbling, too. I was trying to read whatever nonsense I’d googled on my phone, but I kept getting distracted by the floor, which looked like it was boiling lava and not wood. It was such a trip, and nothing I did would stop it. I ended up having to put my phone down in defeat.

From there, a serious case of the munchies set in. If you’re on a diet, do not eff with Pamelina, friends. I ate, I shit you not, at least three packages of those Tollhouse mini cookies from the refrigerated aisle of the grocery store. Somehow my stoned ass was functional enough to make it across the lava floor, sandbag limbs and all, to bake them.

Shortly after, not a single one was left on the pan. I also ate all of the leftover Indian food in the fridge and approximately 18 pounds of fruit.

Oddly enough, I never passed out from Pamelina or from the expected food coma — which I was sure would happen, given the fact that I felt like my body was full of lead marbles and pears. I just sat around full of cookies and thinking instead.

At one point I found myself very amused by the idea that tigers just roam free in some parts of the world, an idea that I shared with the housemate who’d laughed at me initially about being high. They weren’t nearly as enthralled with the idea. Apparently having bears in the wild in Colorado is just as cool to them, though I beg to differ.

Anyway, I don’t remember how the high from Pamelina ended, but from what I can recall about the trip, this strain was a wild ride. I guess the moral of the story here is that you should never underestimate the power of small things — nugs included — and you should do a Google search before smoking an unfamiliar strain midday, unless you want to end up full of cookies and fruit by 4 p.m. on a Saturday. Luckily, that combo worked just fine for me, but smoker beware — this strain, while not that visually impressive, sure ain’t messing around.

DGO Pufnstuf

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