Valentine’s Day is for spending money you don’t have on someone you may or may not break up with in six months. ER, we mean, it’s a day for celebrating your love of your partner! We love love! DEFINITELY about your relationship and not a capitalistic scheme. ANYWHO. With that effort, sometimes it requires the help of alcohol – for some, more than others.
So, here’s a list of boozy ideas for you and your love(s) to enjoy because everyone wants their date (especially their first dates) to be puking in the parking lot.
Sex on the BeachDuh. It has sex in the title. This sickeningly sweet drink will probably give you the hangover of your life but, at least for the night, it’ll give that squirrelly boost and that morning of regret and shame you’re looking for.
Whiskey and pickle juice shotsValentine’s Day is the time to test your date inhibitions. How far will he/she/they go for your love. Or lust. It’s also just worth it to watch their face twist into a really sexy expression that’s right on the border of “I want to go home now” and “maybe if I endure this will get me lucky.”
Cranberry and vodkaIt’s red … like Valentine’s Day hearts? Just tell your date that as you keep ordering them on their tab.
Rose petals and vodka You can thank Cosmo for this one: sprinkling rose petals into your vodka on ice. Who doesn’t want to pick out dead plant floating in their otherwise perfectly fine booze? Maybe you can even reuse those wet petals to sprinkle onto your sheets.
Tequila shotsOK, less romantic and more “I need to be a hot mess for whatever is going to happen after we leave dinner/this bar.” We understand.
Big RedWe threw up a little in our mouths when we found this one, but maybe it’s your cup of tea, er, cocktail. Esquire suggests you mix together some cinnamon-infused bourbon, Mandarine Napoleon, and Bruto Americano, then garnish with an orange twist and candy hearts. Just writing that made us gag a little.
Order/make whatever the f*ck you wantIt’s Valentine’s Day – not the first day of fall where, by social law, you are require to get everything in pumpkin spice. If you’re just not in the mood, don’t waste your time and money on gimmicky drinks. Treat yoself to your usual favorites. You’ll probably have a better time.