It was 1975. Gerald Ford was president, Bobby Fischer ceded his chess championship title to Kasparov by refusing to play, the Vietnam War was ending, and the top of a soda pop hadn’t been firmly designed.
Coors introduced an aluminum can that had a two-button system to open it. A drinker would depress the small button first as an air release. Then, they would use their thumb to press down on a second, larger spout used to sip from.
Maybe Coors was inspired by Edward Abbey and his new novel, “The Monkey Wrench Gang.” Maybe they were inspired by Earth Day, which was only five years old. Maybe Coors thought getting rid of a detachable pull tab and replacing it with push buttons would save the world, one polluting, metal shard at a time.
But then the rivers of blood and beer happened. OK, not rivers. Rivulets is more accurate. But come on? Drunks shoving their thumbs through metal holes to get more booze-juice – who the hell gave that the go-ahead? Did they really think that Mr. McSloshedNuts and his boyfriend Sir DangSozzled were, four beers deep, apt enough at hand-eye coordination to not rain gore into their Coors?
I wonder how many thumb detachments were suffered before Coors canceled this can …
Patty TempletonDGO staff writer