What’s in the (monthly subscription smoker) box?!!!!

by DGO Pufnstuf

Ever wondered what comes inside those subscription and mystery stoner boxes? The ones that claim to be filled with all sorts of cool ass glassware, smoking accessories, and other gadgets?

Yep, we have, too — and we decided to do something about it.

In a bid for answers, we ordered basically all of the subscription smoker boxes — we’re talking Hemper, Elevated Stash, Hippie Butler, Sensi Box, and whatever else we found online when we were blazed — and decided to rate them for you as they arrived.

Thanks to our blazed-face purchases, we have all the details for what actually comes in these boxes, what the price tag is to snag them, and tell you whether it’s worth or not we think it’s worth the hassle, and the shekels, to purchase these baddies.

This is our first round of the subscription smoker box gauntlet, and we’ll keep the info coming for as long as the boxes arrive.
To kick things off, we have a real doozy for you.

We’ve decided to start with The Elevated Stash “Gold Mystery Stash” box, a one-time purchase of a surprise box filled with smoker mysteries that set us back a whopping $109.99.

Here’s what the deal is with this box.

The box: The Elevated Stash “Gold Mystery Stash” box

What the box promised: Per the Elevated Stash website, “Each box should be a mixture of 13-16 randomly selected smoking items/accessories including a glass water pipe. This box could also feature a spoon pipe or other smoking gadgets, plus cones, lights, papers, etc. Not one box will be the same!”

What’s in the box (WHAT’S IN THE BOOOOOOX!): Some rolling papers, a lot of useless junk, and a piece of broken glassware.

Here’s the breakdown:

– Randy’s Flavored Hemp Tips: Retail for $1.99

– Camo Watermelon Natural Leaf Wraps: Retail for $2.25

– A glass water pipe: $59.99 if we’re judging by the cost of the other water pipes on the site

– A pocket-sized bottle of Clear Eyes: $3.29

– Concave Premium Grinder, an Elevated Stash / Operation 1620 Collab: $34.99

– Crop Kingz Sizzurp Grape Leaf Wraps: $1.00

– Endo Russian Cream Hemp Wraps: $2.99

– Juicy J’s Coconut Rolling Papers: $1.79

– Raw hemp wicks: $1.50

– A tiny glass one-hitter: $5

– Two lighters: $5

– Some unidentifiable piece of green silicone that should maybe be a joint holder? I’m not sure. It looks like one of the King Palm joint holder rings, but I’m honestly stumped: No clue. $3?

– An EZ Splitz Cigar Cutter keyring: $3.30

– Zig Zag Rolling Papers, king size: $2.25

– A lighter doob tube: $5 – A rolling tray: $8

– A couple of stickers: I’m not calculating these.

Estimated value by Elevated Stash: No idea; it isn’t disclosed

Maximum total value as calculated by my bad math: $136.99

My estimate of the actual value: Like $70 max, thanks to the broken water pipe

My overall satisfaction level with the Elevated Stash Gold Mystery Box: 2 out of 5 Juicy J rolling papers

My quick review: OK, so I don’t want to bag on Elevated Stash too hard because they were super fast with shipping and I knew a mystery box would be a gamble. Plus, this box company is veteran- owned, and that’s pretty cool too.

But, if I had to say whether or not I was satisfied with this box, I’d have to go with a hard no. I just didn’t find that much useful or innovative stuff in it.
Everything that came in the box is pretty standard gear, and it would have been cool to get something really out of the box or super unusual in it to make it worth the cost.
It’s nice to have a few of these stoner gadgets on hand, but not all of them have much value, and I still can’t figure out what that silicone ring thing is.

Plus, I have more Visine and Clear Eyes than any one human should have — yes, I know it’s a problem — so I just can’t get super excited about finding those types of items like that in a mystery box. If they’d been, like, gold rolling papers or some super weird glassware, sure. I’d be elated. But as is? Not
really my thing.

But again, that’s just my opinion.

I can also tell you that I wasn’t stoked to find that the one high-dollar item in the box was broken when it arrived. You can’t tell in the photo, but the bowl of
the bong is shattered.

That said, it’s pretty easily replaceable, so with another bowl in hand, it works fine. And, luckily, I have plenty of them.

It wasn’t all lackluster, though. The grinder they sent is super heavy and durable, and it’s truly a lot nicer than the Chromium Crusher I purchased off of
Amazon a decade ago. And, I can get in touch with my Texas roots via those Juicy J rolling papers, so I guess that’s rad. If you hear someone blaring Bun B,
it’s just me and my coconut Juicy J’s, I guess.

I don’t know the actual value of the box, but I paid about $110 for it, and by my bad math estimate, which involved a lot of Googling and Amazon pricing, the
items, in total, appear to be worth about $137 or so. So, that’s an extra $27 worth of value IF everything arrives like it should — which isn’t awful. At least it
was worth more than I paid for it.

Still, it would have been nice to have it arrive intact. I’m guessing that would have colored my opinion of this box in a much more positive manner, but them’s the breaks, I guess.

Maybe next time it won’t take a beating during shipping.

Now, would I order this mystery box again? No. I wouldn’t. If I’m dumping $110 into a mystery package, I want to be wowed — and I just wasn’t. I wouldn’t have been if the bowl had not been broken, either. It just wasn’t that exciting.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am aware that I also have easy-ass access to these types of products because I live in a legal state, which is likely helping to form my opinion.

Were I not in a legal state and were I not able to pop into a headshop or 500 without hassle, it may have been worth the cost (and I probably wouldn’t have
5,000 unused packs of rolling papers in my closet, either).

Maybe I’ll have better luck with the next box I receive. Or, maybe it’ll be just as meh as this one. Guess we’ll see when it arrives.

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