If you’re looking for an impromptu ab workout, invest in some Cherry Noir

by DGO Pufnstuf

Warning: This new strain from Prohibition Herb may result in finding a lot of humor in the mundane, which is A-OK with us

OK, question. Serious question.

Have you guys come across that Josh Cellars commercial — the one that advertises the weird wine named after some dude?

Whether or not you have stumbled across that nightmare of a commercial, I have a little advice for you: Watch it stoned.

I’m not kidding. You need to watch it stoned.

And if you’re going to watch it stoned, as I am suggesting to you as we speak, you should watch it while stoned on Cherry Noir.

Cherry Noir is a new strain on the shelves from Prohibition Herb, and let me tell you, it’s a good one. So good, in fact, that my abs still hurt from laughing at that dumb commercial. In other words, it made me find humor in the mundane, which is never a bad thing.

Here’s what happened, starting at the beginning.

So I picked up an eighth of this strain one random day from Prohibition, and when I got home and popped off the lid, I was super stoked to see how freaking fat and fluffy the nugs were. You really can’t beat the looks on this gal. She’s a beaut.

She also smells delicious, like a mix of fruit and spice, so I was immediately ready to pop a few nugs in a dry herb vape. But then I thought better of it. Why not roll a joint instead? It’s been
a hot minute since I’ve smoked one, I thought, and what better way to send this strain off to the heavens than to roll it in a fatty?

So that’s what I did, obviously. And then I smoked it alone on my hammock while taking in the cool fall breeze. True stoner style.

It was the right call, let me tell you — because about halfway through my session with this strain, I found myself feeling like a human version of Gumby. Everything in my body felt kinda rubbery, and I just knew without looking that I had that same dopey ass grin plastered on my face as the big green dude does.

In other words, all of the stress in my body was lifted and I was blanketed with the best, most warm, and most euphoric feeling. I was stoked — and for no real reason other than I was smoking a joint. Go figure.

And that feeling wasn’t fleeting, either. It stuck, adhering to my soul like some THC-fueled Velcro. I was stoned, happy, and shorty after, freaking STARVING.

So hungry, in fact, that my empty
brain switched gears from happiness to daydreams of pizza. But that wasn’t enough to force me off the hammock.

Given my sheer bliss over being stoned, it took me a hot minute to finally peel my Gumby-like ass off the hammock and head inside. The only thing that prompted me to do so was the sun setting, which turned the patio of my home from a sum-warmed oasis to a freezing nightmare. Otherwise, I would have been content to lay out there just grinning and starving for no reason forever.

But it was not meant to be. And ultimately, that was a good thing, because, as it turns out, my return to the great indoors resulted in the dumbest thing I’ve ever laughed at.

Not before I ordered a pizza, though. Had to satiate the munchies.

After that was done, I flipped on the TV to veg out and wait for delicious carbs, cheese, and sauce to appear at my doorstep. But I was so stoned that I got distracted looking for my apps and just left the TV on whatever local channel it landed on.

And that’s when it happened: The best-worst commercial ever.

So as it turns out, this strain doesn’t just make me happy; it makes me ridiculous. And when the Josh Cellars commercial came on, I found myself laughing hysterically at the idea of this fancy vineyard having a name like Josh. Like, when I say I was laughing I’m not kidding. I was tearing up, guttural laughs
pumping from my belly.

And, it got worse as I started to think about how funny it sounded to put a big ol’ swig of Josh in your mouth — which someone, somewhere has said NOT IN JEST at some point.

At that point, I couldn’t freaking breathe because I was laughing so hard. It wouldn’t stop. Just take a big ol’ mouthful of Josh, why dontcha?


That stupid stoned laughter continued for what felt like hours on end, a cycle of me laughing, getting distracted, and then my brain circling back to the idea of a cup o’ Josh and breaking out into giggles again.

I only really got control of it when my pizza arrived to satiate the hunger.

And that, my friends, is why you need to watch that commercial with a bowl of Cherry Noir — especially if you’re stoned.

I can’t promise you that it’ll result in an epic bout of laughter, but what I can tell you is that this strain was a miracle worker when it came to lifting my stress and letting me find the humor in the nonsense. And at this point in the year, I’d call that a huge win for real.


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