Strain review: Pachamama Caviar

by DGO Pufnstuf

Let me tell you a true story about some weed.

So, over the weekend, I got a text from a good friend of mine that said, “What the hell did we smoke last night? Was it the 50 percent stuff? Indica?”

My response, verbatim: “Yep, it was that 50 percent weed. It’s a sativa hybrid so it’ll have some properties of an indica but mostly it should make you awake and high. I, however, passed tf out.”

The friend’s reply: “I started cleaning my house after you left. Slept like shit. Wrong time of the day for me to have smoked that.”

Me: “Oh, did you like that one (in jest).”

The friend: “Well, yes, if I didn’t need to go to sleep. I could have cleaned for hours.”

I’ll spare you the other 4 million texts, but as you can see, I smoked out a friend, and that friend – who in my defense USUALLY passes out with sativas cause she’s weird – had the opposite reaction. Too bad we smoked it at 10 p.m. the night before she had to stab people with needles and whatever for a living. Whoops?

That sativa was Pachamama Caviar from Pagosa Therapeutics, the dispensary with notoriously strong weed. If you’re unfamiliar with the term caviar, they’re kinda like moon rocks, and are nugs that are soaked in hash oil and rolled in keif, which is why this batch contained 50 percent THC. I get hella stoned off of Pagosa’s strains that contain like, 17 percent THC, so I probably should have warned her, but I didn’t. Let’s just blame the one beer I had at Carver’s beforehand.

Why am I telling you this text anecdote, you ask? Well, I just think it’s interesting how the effects of strains can vary from person to person. Sometimes an indica will knock me out but make the person I’m smoking with stay awake, high, and watching a marathon of some dumb stuff on TV. Other times, the opposite happens. And sometimes we’re in tandem. It’s part of why you should take every review with a grain of salt (not just mine!). Results/mileage may vary and all that.

The result that probably WON’T vary, though, is the one where you get super stupid high off of this dispensary’s weed, caviar or otherwise. It’s certainly what both my friend and I were feeling during and after our smoke sesh. We’d originally intended to light up this strain earlier in the night, but as I said, we got caught up having a beer and since it was Friday night, I figured we’d be fine to hang out later than our old asses normally would.

And, when we finally got around to popping the lid off this bad boy, the Pachamama Caviar was beautifully green and clearly rolled in kief, so I was super stoked to smoke it. We smoked our way through a couple of bowls – that might have attributed to her night owl status post-Pachamama – and I was surprised that given how this thing is the Hulk of nug, it was still a smooth, mellow smoke. Neither of us choked, and instead just chatted as we passed the pipe back and forth.

I could definitely feel the effects kick in after a few hits, and my friend at one point put the pipe down, announced that she had completely forgotten what she was saying, and then surmised that she was utterly and completely stoned. That, of course, set me off into some serious bouts of laughter, and things continued to be amusing until I finally headed out with a serious side of cottonmouth.

And, as you read earlier, I passed right out when I got home, but my friend cleaned her entire apartment from top to bottom and then slept like shit because this sativa worked its magic on her way too late at night. Weed is funny like that.

Either way, I really enjoyed Pachamama Caviar. It was a smooth high – and that was whether it rendered you awake or sleepy; the smooth high is something we both agreed on – and my friend did too, despite her texts announcing that she was sleep deprived at work.

In fact, she asked me to send her a pic of the container so she could grab some from Pagosa Therapeutics for the next time she wanted a jolt of energy to clean her apartment or exercise or whatever the hell it is productive people do. So, you know…the sleep deprivation couldn’t have been that bad, right?

Next time I’ll warn her about a strain being a sativa before we light up so she’s fully aware of the potential caffeine jolt and the potential for weed-induced productivity. And I’ll continue to smoke it haphazardly and take my chances. I’m entirely too lazy to manically clean most of the time anyway.

DGO Pufnstuf


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